On the 3rd of August, 2021, Harry Richardson passed away after suffering a cardiac arrest in the Leam Lane area of Gateshead. He was 22 years old.
For his funeral, in September, parents Neil and Karen Richardson decided to organise a donation to Recovery Connections, as opposed to ordering flowers.
On the 22nd of the month, we had the privilege of meeting up with both of Harry’s parents again, learning both more about him, and his family’s experience over the last few years of his life.
“We’ve all had stereotypes of who we think drug addicts are, and the sort of life that drug addicts come from,” begins Neil, keen to get the message out that what we see and believe, particularly around certain social stigmas, isn’t always the reality.
“Harry was brilliant at school, academically. He could have been anything he wanted to be. Fantastic upbringing. Not this false stereotype that people have. The number of people who have said they are so shocked that Harry has died this way, in these circumstances. And if it can happen to Harry, everyone is vulnerable. That’s a big thing for us, I think. Nobody is exempt from this.”
“You never know how people are going to react,” adds Karen. “I’ve been really surprised at the amount of support. When you get talking to people, it’s amazing how many people’s lives it’s touched. How many people have someone in the family, or some friend of a friend or somebody who has a problem with addiction. It touches so many people.”
She goes on to discuss how Harry’s initial use of substances, including alcohol, progressed alongside an increase in his anxiety, and loss of self-confidence. “I think it probably made him feel a bit better, gave him a bit of confidence. And then he just got hooked.”
“He was a confident lad up until about the age of 16 or so. And then he started to lose his confidence. He really had a lot of anxieties and his addiction got worse. I would say they’re definitely linked. He still did really well in his GCSE’s, and I think he got onto harder drugs when he was about 18.”
Naturally, as Harry’s substance use escalated, the rest of life also changed dramatically. Despite holding down a promising job for several years, he was unable to hang on to the life he was starting to build.
“He was an apprentice engineer,” recalls Neil. “The company gave him umpteen opportunities to try and change his life around, but at the end had to let him go, three years into a four year apprenticeship. So he lost everything. We got him a lovely car – that was sold to a drug dealer for a couple of hundred pounds. He literally sold the shoes off his feet.”
“It really showed us how addiction completely takes over. There is nothing else in your life. As much as he loved me and Karen, there wasn’t a love great enough to prevent him from doing horrible things. It couldn’t beat his addiction. It takes over, and there’s nothing left. You’re just a shell.”
Reflecting on how his death has been received locally, the family have recently met with resounding messages of positivity, both from the local community and the friends Harry grew up with.
“Since his death, all his friends, some of whom had drifted away from him due to his lifestyle – and I fully understand that – have all rallied round.” says Neil.
“The support that they must have given him over the years, and the encouragement to find a way through this – it didn’t work – but on the day of his funeral they felt his loss so profoundly.”
“We’ve spoken to people in our estate, who’ve made a point of coming to see us to bring flowers, cards, or just to say ‘can i help in any way?’ In a perverse sort of way, it’s brought that little community closer together. They ask how you’re doing, and how you’re feeling. They attended the funeral, and donated generously to Recovery Connections. So, it’s brought out some good things in people, as well, under terrible circumstances.”
And it was those terrible circumstances that eventually led to the day of Tuesday, August 3rd, when Karen got the call that every parent dreads.
“I got a phone call from his friend’s Mam. She said ‘Karen, there’s loads of ambulances outside the flat, you need to get up there. Something serious has happened.’ And he’d had a cardiac arrest. We went up to the flat, by which time he’d already gone to the hospital. He passed away later on that day, in the critical care unit.”
The final, and perhaps most important question we ask Neil and Karen, is what they would say to other parents experiencing a similar situation.
“First of all,” says Neil. “Accept you’ve got a problem. And you’ll very soon realize you can’t solve it on your own. As parents, we think we’ve got the answers. They’re our children. We brought them into the world. We’ll be able to get them through this. No, not in this situation.”
“And then to be able to find professionals, volunteers, or otherwise, who have experience of this. And be prepared not to hand responsibility to them, but just accept that they are the only ones who can possibly find a way through this situation. We can do everything as parents – help them, feed them, talk to them, shout at them – whatever. But at the end of the day, they need people who’ve lived the experience, can talk one-on-one about ‘I’ve been there’. So, find the right help in your area, and engage with it as quickly as you can.”
“And then get some help for yourself, as well,” adds Karen. “I engaged with Gateshead Carers, who were a great support to me. They were there for me. [So] make sure you look after yourself as well and get some support.”
“The impact it’s had on us for the last five years, it’s been unbelievable,” emphasizes Neil. “Unbelievable. And you don’t realize until you look back on it. Our experience with Harry made us much more aware of how big a problem substance abuse is, particularly in this area. I think the difficulties we had in finding outlets where Harry could get some help, initially, wasn’t easy, but later we found Recovery Connections. And we thought, if we can help, we will.”
The donation made to Recovery Connections, by the Richardson’s and those who attended his funeral, was £860. Although they now, understandably, plan to take some time to process the last few months and years, they are also considering how to become involved in the recovery community again in the future.
If you, or anybody in your life is experiencing a problem with substance use, please do get in touch. The fundamental message of Neil, Karen and Harry’s experience is that anybody can get help, and everybody is potentially vulnerable, but nobody should go through this experience alone.
In memory of Harry Richardson, 26.12.1998 – 03.08.2021
